Home Archives for Building Relationships

One Word Makes a World of Difference

Posted by Leave a Comment

When I was growing up, I knew I was expected to go to college.  Everyone I knew went to college. I understood early that going to college would be likely to shape my life.  I would meet new people, learn new things, and when I got out, people would think of me differently. Here's the same paragraph with only one word changed: When I was growing up, I knew I was expected to go to prison.  Everyone I knew went to prison. I understood early that going to prison would be likely … [Read more...]

Categories: Building Relationships, Increasing Awareness Tagged: ,

Building a Bridge to End Racism with a Simple ‘Hello’

Posted by Leave a Comment

Racism is top-of-mind for many people lately. The ‘mattering’ of lives, whether black or blue or brown or beige, heightens the awareness of external, outer distinctions between us and the undertow of history that makes them full of meaning. Living here in the South Bronx where I see and rub shoulders with more people who do not look like me than people do, I’m aware of a shift in how I think. A Shift in Thinking that Grew from a Simple 'Hello' Most mornings, for … [Read more...]

Categories: Building Relationships, Increasing Awareness

Be Kind to Those Close to You and Reap the Benefits

Posted by 2 Comments

In 1943, the French philosopher Simone Weil (pronounced Vey), starved herself to death. With her family and friends in close proximity and plentiful food at hand, she decided to stop eating. And at the age of 34, she died -- not in a Nazi camp and not because there was no food. But because she had decided to to stop eating in solidarity with the millions of people being persecuted by the Nazis. Last week at the Ojai Music Festival, I heard a haunting and beautiful piece … [Read more...]

Categories: Building Relationships, Kindness and Generosity

You are Not Free from Consequences and Perception

Posted by Leave a Comment

A big demonstration is planned in New York City this weekend to protest police brutality and murders.  And someone has put a large poster in our elevator that asks boldly, "Which side are you on?" I've thought about taking it down because the very idea of villainizing the police makes me uncomfortable. While some police officers are bad apples, many -- perhaps most -- do good work in difficult and dangerous circumstances. Even my friend Clemetin, who is regularly … [Read more...]

Categories: Building Relationships, Making Better Decisions Tagged: ,

How to Say Hello to Strangers and Why it Feels So Good

Posted by Leave a Comment

I had dinner with my friend, Carey, the other night.  We live in the same building here in the South Bronx.  I was telling Carey about my morning walks to St. Mary's Park and how I say hello to pretty much everyone I walk by, and that they say hello back. "Oh," said Carey in response, "I'm too shy to say hello to strangers." Her response took me aback. Carey, like me, is a white woman who grew up with many unearned privileges. She is educated and successful. And I … [Read more...]

Categories: Building Relationships Tagged: , , ,

Paid Back in Full Without Receiving a Dime

Posted by Leave a Comment

I took the afternoon off work and headed up to meet my friend Clemetin at the Social Security office some miles from where I live. Clemetin had received a notice from Social Security stating that his monthly benefits were being cut and giving him 30 days to appeal. But having spent many years in prison, Clemetin has an aversion to people in government offices. He's quick to anger when they seem to disrespect him. And he's quite sure that's what they'll do. So I offered to … [Read more...]

Categories: Building Relationships, Kindness and Generosity Tagged: ,

My Doctor Doesn’t Touch Me Any More

Posted by Leave a Comment

Hi Jonathan, Do I need to schedule an appointment with you this fall or have annual check ups become a thing of the past? I've scheduled a mammo for this month. What else do I need to do? That's the email I wrote to my doctor this week. He responded a few minutes later saying that I should come in for some blood work to check medication levels, but no need for much else. This correspondence got me thinking about how the doctor/patient relationship (at least mine) has … [Read more...]

Categories: Building Relationships, Communicating Effectively Tagged: ,

Finding Common Threads Among our Differences

Posted by Leave a Comment

Most every morning, I visit St. Mary's Park in the South Bronx where I walk and run and work out. It's a lovely park with big trees arching over a wide path and big natural rock outcroppings on the hills. A running track tucks into the back of the park with slant boards and pull up bars in its center. The park is beautifully laid out, but it's not well-maintained. Litter isn't picked up regularly. The grass is poorly cut. Weeds grow through the pavement here and there. And … [Read more...]

Categories: Building Relationships, Kindness and Generosity Tagged: ,

Are You a Member of the “Me Generation?”

Posted by Leave a Comment

I have joined the “ME generation.” I know that phrase is generally used to describe so-called Millennials — people now in their 20’s.  Samantha Raphelson, in her piece for the NPR New Boom series, cited them as “self-absorbed, self-centered, selfie-snapping-20-somethings.” Today’s 20-somethings are just stepping into adulthood. They may not have steady jobs. They sometimes seem uncaring in their independent and individualistic ways.  Many of them don’t have families to … [Read more...]

Categories: Building Relationships, Increasing Awareness Tagged: , , , ,

The Universal Need for Unconditional Support

Posted by Leave a Comment

Yesterday, my friend Clemetin wound up back in prison. He didn't end up there because he's dangerous or has done anything particularly bad. He was put there because he hasn't shown up for court-mandated appointments. Several months ago, rather than putting Clemetin in prison, a judge assigned him three years of probation during which he has to show up regularly to meet with a probation officer. But that has proven to be too much for Clemetin. He showed up at the … [Read more...]

Categories: Building Relationships, Kindness and Generosity Tagged: ,