In recent months, I've found myself angry and peculiarly unsettled when it comes to my relationship with men. I've been taught and have learned well to charm my way into their good graces. When I was a young woman, I flirted and made myself appealing. I believed that my ability to stay in their good graces was important to my success in life. I looked up to men as though they were smarter, stronger and more worldly. I charmed my way into and out of uncomfortable … [Read more...]
I’m Not THAT White Woman: Starting a Conversation About Race
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As I walked down the hill toward home in St. Mary's Park yesterday, I passed a middle-aged black man walking his dog. I said "good morning" and as I walked by, he said "I haven't seen you in a long time. Where's your dog?" That's a simple question. But I don't have a dog. Never have. He thought I was someone else. I knew who he thought I was. Another white woman also walks in the park which is largely populated by black and brown people. She has a big black … [Read more...]
Improve Your Posture – Sit as Though You Had a Tail!
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Do you sit at your desk for hours every day? Do you struggle with trying to keep your shoulders back while you click away at your computer? Or do you just give up and let your shoulders curve forward? If so, your back probably aches or at least twinges. If it doesn't yet, it probably will! Advice to Improve Your Seated Posture This week, my friend Carole passed on to me a wonderful, simple tip about sitting that's transformed my posture. Sit as though you still … [Read more...]
How to Turn Corrosive Sexual Politics into a Creative Adventure
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Have you ever struggled with your sex life? Not just the act of sex, but the marital politics of sex? Common Sexual Politics of a Married Couple Here’s what I believe to be a common internal refrain for many married women in mid-life. My husband doesn’t satisfy my need for a soul-mate... someone I can have intimate conversations with. Really, the only time we talk is when there’s conflict. What I want is a partner with whom I can talk about my feelings and beliefs and … [Read more...]
Two Ways to Tell Your Life Story
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I was fortunate last week to attend a lecture featuring Mary Catherine Bateson and Cathy Salit. In the 1980s, I read Bateson's remarkable book, Composing a Life. That book had a profound effect on me. Rather than thinking about my life as something that happens to me, I realized that I could think intentionally about shaping and reshaping my life. I started to see my life as a giant improvisation performed on a stage of my own making. Shaping the Story of Your Life It … [Read more...]
The Joy of Mastering New Skills at Any Age
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You might imagine that it takes a long time to change the way your body functions. You might think that as you get older, you can't really make much of a difference. But today I'm going to tell you, from personal experience, that change is possible -- from one day to the next and the next, and the next after that. Stuck in Your Ways? No matter how old you are or how stuck in your ways you feel, you can master new skills and change the way your body and mind work. You've … [Read more...]
What to do When Your Creative Well Runs Dry
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Perhaps you noticed -- or perhaps you didn't -- that I stopped writing these posts for several months. I just stopped! Why? Because every time I sat down to write, what came out bored me. I was writing because I thought I should -- because I thought you were expecting something. I wasn't writing because I had something that burbled up that I wanted to share with you. My wonderful webmaster, Brian, nudged me gently every week. "Andrea," he'd email, "do you have a TRY THIS … [Read more...]
Small Gestures of Appreciation Can Make a Big Difference
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What a special holiday Thanksgiving is. It encourages us to notice and think about and give thanks for the good things in life. This Thanksgiving, I plan to go around our holiday table and tell each person that I appreciate them and explain why. In fact, I think I'll start my day tomorrow (Thanksgiving Day) by telling my husband that I appreciate him and what I appreciate about him. I suspect it will be good for both of us! Perhaps Thanksgiving isn't the only day … [Read more...]
The Guitar Teacher Who Took Advantage: Handling Sexual Harassment
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The recent announcements of men taking advantage of young women has struck a chord with me. I know it has for many women. We've spent years burying experiences ... walling them off as though they never happened. But when Beverly Nelson tearfully described her encounter with Roy Moore when she was 16, I recalled a similar experience. My experience wasn't as devastating, but it left its mark. My First Story of a Man Taking Advantage When I was 16, I badgered my mother to … [Read more...]
When You Care Enough: The Secret of Asking for Help
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You probably know that I've spent the past three decades giving people advice about fundraising. I guess my advice is reasonably good, because people keep coming back for more. But really, I don't think I have ever given people the biggest and most important piece of advice. It's quite simple, but it provides the underpinning for all great fundraising. Here's the REAL Secret of Asking You've got to care enough. When you do, asking gets easy! If you don't really care … [Read more...]