The most effective way to make a strong connection with someone else is simple.
There are two key steps:
- Really notice who they are.
- Accept them as they are.
Really Noticing Who People Are
You may find it easier to judge people or to give them advice or argue with them.
But you’ll find that when you carefully observe someone close enough to notice who they really are, you’ll be more likely to develop a real rapport.
“Seeing” is the basis for love
My friends Paula and Mike got married last year. During the ceremony, each made this vow to the other.
I promise to see you.
That simple promise, made in the context of their wedding, captured the essence of their love.
It’s a promise to pay attention to the other person without inserting your own needs. Is there any more important or generous gift?
Accepting People as They Are
Often, our need to compare and evaluate other people gets in the way of simply seeing them. You may find yourself wondering if they are smarter or better looking or cooler than you are. You may find yourself wanting to be sure that you match up.
But if you can get beyond that and simply see and accept them for who they are, you will probably find that you start to accept yourself too. And that feels good!
Notice Non-Physical Attributes
The next time you spend time with a friend, make a mental list of what you notice about that person. Pay special attention to non-physical attributes, though they are sometimes harder to spot.
Are they patient, energetic, verbal, quiet, considerate, kind? Are they funny or serious, careful or carefree? Are they stoic or emotive?
With a bit of practice, you’ll improve your ability to simply notice other people. Seeing people as they are will have a profound impact on your connections with them.
Think of a close friend. What sort of attributes does he or she possess? And how have those traits helped to shape your relationship with that person?
Share your thoughts in the comments.