When You Care Enough: The Secret of Asking for Help

You probably know that I've spent the past three decades giving people advice about fundraising. I guess my advice is reasonably good, because people keep coming back for more. But really, I don't think I have ever given people the biggest and most important piece of advice. It's quite simple, but it provides the underpinning for all great fundraising. Here's the REAL Secret of Asking You've got to care enough. When you do, asking gets easy! If you don't really care … [Read more...]

Remembering Sonia March Nevis

I learned this morning that my teacher and friend Sonia March Nevis passed away.  I've been enjoying my memories of that wonderful woman, calling back the ways in which she changed my life. A Kind Gesture Softened My Heart Sonia was the cofounder of the Gestalt International Study Center on Cape Cod. Some years ago, I participated in a leadership program at the Gestalt Institute. Over the course of several days, we were assigned to teams that then were given an extended, … [Read more...]

One Good Deed Inspires Another

This morning I picked up the trash at St. Mary's Park, as I often do. One Good Deed... I bring some latex gloves with me when I go out the morning and spend the first 15 or 20 minutes of my time at the park walking around the track, looking from side to side for candy wrappers and fast-food packaging and bottles and bottle caps and plastic bags and all sorts of other litter. Piece by piece, I pick it up, put it in a plastic bag and into the often overflowing trash … [Read more...]

See Something, Say Something: Vigilance and Kindness

Have you seen any of the "See Something, Say Something" signs that have proliferated in public spaces since 9/11? These signs are posted in subway stops and train stations and a host of other public places. Reporting the BAD... I understand the MTA's request. If I see something that looks strange or puzzling and might be dangerous, I shouldn't just walk by and forget it. Instead, I should report it to 911 or tell an official nearby. 911?  Hello? I'm reporting a … [Read more...]

The Perfect Holiday Gift to End the Year

This week, I’ve gotten flowers and candy and peanuts from people who want to thank me for something I’ve done for them. These gifts are fine. I do appreciate them.  And I’m happy to be on people’s gift lists. But honestly, I’d rather they just called or left a message or texted me. I try not to eat candy or peanuts. I actively dislike most of the cheap, yellow cheeses and pepperoni that arrive in fancy gift baskets. I’m offended by the huge amount of packaging that … [Read more...]

Lean in Softly

Have you ever listened to someone in order to gather evidence that what he or she is saying is wrong? Have you ever felt yourself lying in wait until the person phrases something in a way that you can grab and throw back, killing what might have been a fragile thought trying to become better formed? That kind of listening is geared to winning rather than connecting. People often use words and ideas to build walls of confrontation.  We harden our hearts and build walls … [Read more...]

My Silent Decry of “Idiot” Chased Her Away From the Table

In the heat of the political season, I'm finding it difficult to talk with people who don't share my views. Even as I try to frame a comment or question in a non-judgmental way, my brain quietly inserts "You idiot" at the end of each sentence. For example, I found myself sitting across the table from a woman who supported Trump. We were both staying at the same Inn in Denver and six or seven of the guests were having breakfast around a big communal table. The subject … [Read more...]

Don’t Let Anyone Steal Your Joy

If you've been reading this blog for a bit, you know that I walk most mornings at Saint Mary's Park in the South Bronx. Walking to the park on school days, I'm often struck by fathers and mothers dropping their small children off at school. The pride and love and hope are palpable. Perhaps this sense is so present because in a neighborhood like this, parents walk their children to school rather than dropping them off from a car. So for blocks around, you see mothers and … [Read more...]

A Sobering Life Lesson: Don’t Wait Til It’s Too Late

When my daughters were in their teens, they made big sign and hung it in the kitchen.  It said: I have found that the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want to do and then advise them to do it. Turns out, that's a rather famous quotation from our 33rd president, Harry S. Truman. Given that our kids were in their teens and doing things we would rather they didn't, it was a bit of a stretch to take their sign seriously. But that idea … [Read more...]

Be Kind to Those Close to You and Reap the Benefits

In 1943, the French philosopher Simone Weil (pronounced Vey), starved herself to death. With her family and friends in close proximity and plentiful food at hand, she decided to stop eating. And at the age of 34, she died -- not in a Nazi camp and not because there was no food. But because she had decided to to stop eating in solidarity with the millions of people being persecuted by the Nazis. Last week at the Ojai Music Festival, I heard a haunting and beautiful piece … [Read more...]